Approximately a year and a half ago, I was experiencing an episodic bipolar breakdown. I traveled from Las Vegas to Malibu, California to check myself into an inpatient treatments. There was an urgently and it came from from a very dark place inside my soul around that time. It’s fair to say I’m looking back at the situation that I was mentally emotionally and physically exhausted from the constant ability with my mental health and it had paid so I had paid a significant tool for that. I had gotten to the point in my life. I experienced a mixture of suicidal ideation and combine with psychosis and electric mania, and I never felt comfortable in my own shoes, obviously with those kinds of things going on. After receiving some encouragement from a professional hockey player on the Las Vegas Golden Knights team, I decided to go ahead and make the move and check myself into the treatment center and had the ability to focus on mental health issues. I boarded a plane from Las Vegas to Los Angeles, California, and from there, I drove to Malibu, California, where I check myself into an inpatient treatment program. Just say that I felt defeated and hopeless is accurate. Just say that I have an achieved any kind of lasting normalcy through throughout my life is also accurate. Just say that I was embarrassed and ashamed on multiple levels… that’s also very true. It seems like for an entire time I was under active care Friedman since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It felt like a continuation of something along the lines of me going to a fencing match with a baseball glove instead of a sword; I didn’t even have the right equipment to win in the first place, and therefore I was never going to. I stayed for a little while, but not a long time while I was there I wrote I started drafting the skeleton floor autobiography, which I had intended to call “Dying to Live,” although I sidelined that project because I consider myself first and foremost, a poet. That happens to be the medium in which I preferred to operate. While I most certainly can write prose. It doesn’t excite me or challenge me in any compelling way or at least in the ways that are compelling to me like Poetry does I should say. So I shelved that project when I returned to Vegas; maybe I’ll pick it up someday, I don’t know. I had intended for that book to be a bear-bones, full analysis of the chaos that has defined my life since I’ve been born. So let’s get back to Malibu. Did I manage to stabilize my mental health issues there? The short answer is no. But one important thing did happen while I was there– in the process of talking about the chaos of my mood disorders and how frequent and and surprising they were in terms of how quickly they originated and how long they lasted, I began talking about my riding with purpose while I was in a resident in this treatment center. I began with Ernesti, seeking out solace and creativity as it means to process and therapeutically address issues that I couldn’t get under control with the medication. Along with the dedicated reinvigoration of purposeful writing, I made a commitment to myself that I was going to pursue writing. And I’ve stepped on that trajectory ever since.
Eight months ago there were only four people who had ever seen my writing and they were all family members. I have always been intensely private and protective of my writing. When it came time to decide how I wanted to proceed as as a poet, I made the decision to send an early version of Waterloo Dawn. so what was different about it? It contained a different selection of poems. I would say approximately 70% of the contents are about the same as they are right now but about 30% or different.
I remember ordering and re-ordering the contents in my office meticulously; it was the first time my work had ever been put under a microscope and critically reviewed! I was nervous to receive negative feedback. Not that I couldn’t handle it, but just that I wanted to do my best to present the best version of my work possible.
Approximately one month later, I held the editorial review in my hand. That editorial review below. The image below that separates my writing. from the editors was taken from my room in. Malibu, where I had begun mapping out the content for my intended autobiography, “Dying to Live”.
Editorial Review for Colin Dawson
Greetings Colin,
As promised, I am providing you with professional feedback on your book and suggestions for moving forward. It is evident that this project is close to your heart. It is an honor to have been entrusted with it for a short time.
As you read, please keep in mind that I have approached this editorial review using the same criteria that a literary agent or acquisitions editor would use when deciding whether to take on an author and their work. These criteria include: writing quality; content organization; author’s style and talent; the book’s marketability, and its ability to provide its audience with something unique in relation to what’s already on the market. Whatever other aims and ambitions you might have, these are the objectives that you and a publishing house would undoubtedly share.
I need not remind you that the work of bringing a book into the world can be slow, uncomfortable, and lonely. I want to applaud you for seeking out professional feedback early on. The scrutiny is not always comfortable, but in undergoing an editorial review, authors can: A) save time and money; B) see where their book excels and where it could stand to improve; C) gain a better vision of their book’s market and audience; D) determine their next steps regarding the publishing process. In short, they can catch a glimpse of what their manuscript might become and what its transformation might entail.
Because I reviewed your manuscript through the lens of the major publishing market, the bar was set high. So, the feedback that follows is objective, not hyperbole. However, please remember that the editor(s) at a publishing house will usually perceive a book through the eyes of their respective audiences.
Feedback
Jazz musician Esperanza Spalding, quoting author James Baldwin, said that great art raises questions, not answers. Your poetry certainly does that . . . and more. With concise, elegant language, you carry the reader into the complexities of life as experienced by you: love, angst, despair, contrition, lostness, loneliness, loss, passion. Nothing is didactic. There are no answers. Yet the questions are central to human life, including some that most people are afraid to ask. The book rampages through all these emotions, forcing readers (by storm) to look at themselves. But because you are so gentle, tender, and humble, I believe that your readers will bond with you. They will hope sincerely for you to survive and thrive, because your experiences—to one degree or another—bring their own questions to the fore. This deeply personal book, in which there are no apparent facades, will unveil the hidden, below-the-surface elements of each reader. This author-reader bond is what great poetry is supposed to do.
Regarding your capacity for language, your syntax admirably drives the reader forward with a unique combination of power and gentleness. I don’t know how you do it. Each poem flows like a mystery, compelling the reader to press on, to see where it will go. You lead them with strength, but not as a dictator. Your word choice is usually impeccable, never flowery but never flimsy. The writing is precise, like Bach’s notes, but not mechanistic. Your precision flows from the heart. You never “paint by number.”
Seen as a whole, the manuscript conveys a mixture of anguish punctuated by moments of tender love and beauty. An editor might want to change the order of some poems in order to spare the reader from long dark spells of reading; that is, to intersperse your love poems and poems about nature (e.g., “Arches National Park”) more frequently between the dark poems that take people to the depths.
Although the book needs almost no editing, I believe there are a few places where the writing might be too abstract. One example (see my manuscript comments) is in the beginning of your first poem “O Lost.” And there are places where I would change the punctuation. These matters are sometimes subjective, especially in poetry, but grammar rules are there for a reason. Authors and editors have bickered over semicolons and comma placements for centuries. What I can say with certainty is that you do not need a developmental editor. The book only needs some light copy editing and final proofreading—and perhaps some light revision by you and a few small sections of several poems.
However, I would like you to be aware that, depending on the publisher and its target audience, an editor might ask you to change a few lines and/or remove a few poems. One of the book’s many strengths is that it exposes your experiences in raw, painful, and sensual terms. But that strength might also cause some editors to consider whether certain poems are too bold, painful, or sexual for the audience. Again, this is highly subjective; art is that way! I don’t think you should change anything now, but remember that these questions might emerge during your dialogue with editors.
Finally, I would like to share my overall impression of the book and ask that you consider whether the book impacts readers the way you want it to. Although the book presents moments of profound beauty and human connection, the overall tone is heavy. Generally, the reader will not find much reason for hope in the midst of struggle. Your incredible poem “God” elegantly questions whether hope is possible in any ultimate sense. This poem is vital, because you give voice to the profound spiritual questions that many readers harbor but struggle to verbalize. Authors like Christian Wiman, a poet and professor at Yale, who has endured epic suffering, have also resonated with his readers on this deep level (for example, see Wiman’s books My Bright Abyss and his new book Zero at the Bone: Fifty Entries Against Despair).
What I’m trying to say is that, in my view, great authors like you have a responsibility to care for your readers. This does not mean you should self-censure or dilute your powerful writing with pithy, quaint answers. My suggestion is to step back and consider how readers might receive, perceive, and respond to your questioning poems. It is for this reason that, in my manuscript notes, I raised the possibility of ending your book with the poems titled “A Brand New Dawn” and “Homeward Now” rather than “Afterthoughts.” The former two present a horizon of possible hope, however tenuous it might be. Only you can answer this question, but because art can have such a powerful influence on readers, I believe that each artist should ask it. Remember that thousands of Americans today are struggling with depression, anxiety, and loneliness. You will connect deeply with them and they will come to trust you.
In my all my editorial reviews, I normally provide a long section about the book’s weaknesses, and I provide a section on recommendations for improvement. I honestly found no significant weaknesses in any of your poems. I cannot think of anything negative to say about the book as a whole, and I have no advice for improvement, other than my brief comments in the paragraphs above. After more than twenty-five years of editing books, I have never said this to an author. You are the first and only.
Market Research
Literary agents and acquisitions editors always do some market research to see how a book fits within the realm of other similar books. Your work stands on its own as a personal expression of art. But by looking at some of the themes in poetry books, and by seeing how well they have done, we can gain insights into how your book might fare in the publishing world.
Time Is a Mother
By Ocean Vuong
2023, Penguin
The author draws from extensive personal and social loss, creating a tension between grief and determination to survive. The poems emphasize how conflict fragments people, but they also reveal glimpse of restoration. This book is a New York Times bestseller, which indicates that readers long for vulnerable, transparent poetry like yours. Your book is written equally well.
Bright Dead Things
By Ada Limón
2015, Milkweed Editions
This book was a finalist for the National Book Award. The author explores the frightening necessity of living in a disorderly but also beautiful world. Ada, like you, is introspective and transparent about her capricious youth and her struggle to build an identity through relationships. Her central tension (famously) is: “I am beautiful. I am full of love. I am dying.”
Crush
By Richard Siken
2005, Yale University Press
I’m including this book because it demonstrates the possibility of how much raw, experiential pain readers can handle. The author addresses violent eroticism, obsession, and love with what one reviewer called “purgatorial recklessness.” Despite the heaviness of the topics, it won the 2005 National Book Critics Circle Award in Poetry. Your book certainly has a more tender, soft-hearted feel than this aggressive book, which, in my view, bodes well for your book to do better than Crush.
Postcolonial Love Poem
By Natalie Diaz
2020, Graywolf Press
The book exposes readers to the hardships faced by indigenous people, but at a deeper level it portrays the author’s experiences with grief, loss, violence, and sensuality. She conveys her poems as if there is no separation between the cosmos and her life. The language is dark and strong.
Death Prefers the Minor Keys
By Sean Thomas Dougherty
2023, BOA Editions
This book focuses on the author’s wife in the face of long-term illness and addiction. It suggests that hope is found when we care for others. In this way, it probably aims to provide more answers than questions, which could make it trite. I believe that your book shows the importance of real love in more subtle, artistic ways.
These are just a few books that I reviewed. Interestingly, I did not find any prominent poetry books like yours that carry readers into a person’s exploration of drugs. I know that your book is not only about that, but my sense is that the absence of other poetry books related to these themes would be compelling for agents and editors. As far as I can see, you would be offering something relatively unusual. The US has a widespread, heart-wrenching problem that is only being addressed by nonfiction writers or, on rare occasions, a novelist like Barbara Kingsolver (see her book Demon Copperhead). So, your book could land at an important time, filling a deep-felt need.
As I stated in my recent message to you, I believe you are a high-level poet and that the book needs to be delivered beautifully and professionally to the world. My sense is that you have much more to write, which a publisher will want.
Publishing Options: Pros and Cons
For reasons stated above, I think that your book will catch the eye of a literary agent and acquisitions editor. Due to the quality of your book, I suggest that you first invest time and effort into finding an good agent to represent you. With that person’s help, my hope is that a major publisher will offer you a contract and contribute strongly to publicity and marketing.
When pursuing an agent, no matter the caliber of the writing, all writers must be prepared to receive rejection letters. This should not discourage you. It’s part of the process. Literary agents in the United States reject many submissions, in part because they are inundated with so much junk. Good agents, however, will spot high-quality work like yours. It just takes persistence and resilience.
A few advantages of the traditional publishing route include: 1) Having a team that shares the financial risk and is, therefore, highly invested in your book’s success; 2) Benefitting from the expertise of editorial, publicity, marketing, and sales teams; 3) Getting some immediate financial return for your work (via an “advance”), followed by ongoing royalty payments (provided enough books are sold to cover the initial advance). Agents never receive payment from authors, so never pay one. They work on commission, usually keeping 15 percent of your advance and all royalties.
It might also be possible to find a publisher who accepts “unsolicited” manuscripts. This means that they are open to reviewing manuscripts and forging a publishing contract without the help of an agent. There are good publishers who do that. They are usually small, independent presses. The downside of this approach is that you will have to negotiate the rights, royalties, payments, etc. without professional help. So, I recommend first trying to work with an agent. Aim high first.
Another route would be to self-publish. While this option was once held in low regard, in recent years it has gained more positive recognition. That’s because the avenues for self-publishing are widening and improving with every year, making it possible for many excellent books to be published which might never have been picked up by a publishing company. Provided self-published books receive professional editing and graphic design services, they can get into all the same distribution and sales channels as books published the traditional way.
Some advantages of this self-publishing route include: 1) Keeping all the profits from your sales, minus the cost of production (which means higher earning potential if the book does well); 2) Being guaranteed creative control over your book and knowing that it will be published the way you see best; 3) Deciding for yourself how long to keep your book in print.
A few disadvantages include: 1) Lacking the support of a team of experts who know how to get your book out into the world; 2) Taking on the financial risk alone, knowing that you may or may not recoup your losses; 3) Being dependent on your own platform, charisma, and drive when marketing and creating publicity for your book (there are, however, many good resources for self-published authors who wish to learn the ropes).
Recommendation for Publishing
I believe strongly that your book (and future works) can and should be published by a major company. So, I recommend that you start the process of finding an agent. (I’ll help with the query letter, and I will send a list of ten agents who are currently accepting queries from poets.) Your main barrier will be that you have not yet published any of your poems. You are a first-time author. So, we need to have patience and a thick skin. You have to believe that your work is excellent, even when you get a rejection letter.
It usually takes six or eight weeks for agents to respond. If no agent agrees to represent you, we can send the query letter out to ten more agents. If that doesn’t work, we can look at finding publishers that accept unsolicited manuscripts. And if that doesn’t work, we can consider a professional self-publishing route.
After reading your book, I thought seriously about having my firm (Endeavor Literary Press) offer you a contract. However, we have only published one book of poetry. We don’t have a large network of poetry readers, which means our ability to promote your book would be weaker than if you win a contract with a larger press that has connections to a large pool of dedicated poetry readers. Moreover, we are currently undergoing a rebranding effort; specifically, we’re spinning off our scholarly books to a new publishing company. The existing firm will only focus on literary fiction and poetry in the future.
I hope that the information I’ve provided is clear and helpful; however, please reach out if you have any questions. I would be more than happy to discuss them with you. I’m also happy to coach you through the next steps.
Best regards,
Glenn
